What is this box with numbers on it and how does it work?

It scares me some times how alike cindys and I are, no really. It makes me shake my head and feel really really badly for her. And the rest of you guys that there are two of us running around in the world. Basically I have managed to completely turn my life upside down and I am sort of sitting back and seeing if I end up really regretting it. Or how I have to handle the fall out whenever that should happen. I have tons to talk about but really my mind is just a mess and I start on topic and end up with something so rambly I end up deleting it all for fear of scaring others and having to look at my own neurotic self later in print. Okay so mostly the second part is what makes me delete. Times like this I decide I should say I want to be a writer when I grow up. No really, because that would some how make the voices in my head okay, right? What? It works for JR Ward and Linda Howard damn it! I say that with much love for both authors really, so no need to throw your fangirlself out of wack or anything. YIKES this post was just suppose to say I was trying to fix my inner clock which is fucked as normal to try and make life easy with the new job. Working normal business hours sort of... 8-5. Monday - Friday and 9-1 some Saturdays... which I think will turn out to be lots of Saturdays because I don't care and need the cash. I was off last Wed, Thurs, Fri being sick sick sick. Worked Saturday like 2 to 2 and Sunday 3 to 2... only to be at the new nonhotel job on Monday at 8AM. So I ended up not sleeping at all Sunday night then came home only to fall asleep and wake up at midnight. Yep and have managed to do the same today. So I sit here looking at the clock knowing I should 'try' to go back to sleep. Thinking I could take something and go back to sleep but have to be up in six hours and can't see taking that chance. Ten to one I end up reading or blog hopping. I soooooooo want to talk about work and shit but can't make up my mind where I shall decide that is good to do. LOL well it isn't good to do anywhere but I know I will. I should go update my live journal. Or figure out how to lock posts here. Then I think about how silly that all is because dude... it is the internet. Which leads me to wanting to talk about the fuckedupness of stupid people, myspace, chatting at work and then I realize I would be doing exactly what I want to make fun of... sort of. The new job could be a slow fry in hell. I know this and I am fighting like mad to keep my fucking mouth shut about things I know nothing about, even when asked my opinion. It is very much a 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' type of place. Where you are suppose to do something, ask for clarification and are told "oh, hmmm I don't know, it has always been done like that' and omg if you ask what it is used for - blank stare that makes you want to define use - to be answered 'I am not really sure we just have always done it'. I know a big part of it is lazy and bigger part is something I tend to think is a lil more job protection, if no one really knows I work only an 1 hour out of my day score type thing. Of course I could be wrong. And man we are talking people who have been here for YEARS. But then you just have to blink as you walk around and people are on myspace (clear as day) chatting away on AIM (clear as day) and huff when you tell them they have someone to help, then try to think of a way to chat with the person standing on the other side of the counter who can clearly hear the people chatting away about their weekend while they wait to be helped. Sad thing is I will be making more money here than I was at the hotel. Which just leads me back to crap I need to figure out what the hell I am doing with my life or I will turn around in a year having killed it at job playing on the internet all day chatting with bam or jane or holly or I could go on a while here... while reading ebooks at work or something like that... ::blink:: See that sooooooooo has its appeal. LOL I am having the normal pull at 'omg I really need to get a life'. I am going to be 31, have no direction or goal driving me... I should do something. Go back to school. Sell my shit, pick a new state and move. Go run and hide in Kristie's Library. SOMETHING. I mean really who am I to laugh or stare in wonder while I lurk through the remains of two years of files and crap on a computer from two people I don't even know? But really WHO has a link to a 'cheating' discussion board in their favorites at work? WHO? Says she who at one time spent large parts of her day emailing and chatting with jay. Awww good times that... but of course jay has to fuck it up with getting her shit together and going to law school so she won't be around to play with. Then of course I start to think on books and blogs and what I could do with mine with the time... Things I can finish and such cuz I will be awake with mucho time to kill and will most likely have freedom of internet access and a computer in such a position that ctrl-alt-tab is your friend. Or there is the dive bar which is down the street (oddly enough I know I have been there once or twice but can't remember clearly when or why). I could be Norm! Only younger, female and thin until the smoke, alcohol, bar food kill it. See life is nothing but a bunch of random choices ;). Alcohol... whatever happened to the Barenaked Ladies? Alcohol, my permanent accessory Alcohol, a party-time necessity Alchool, alternative to feeling like yourself O Alcohol, I still drink to your health I love you more than I did the week before I discovered alcohol Forget the caffe latte, screw the raspberry iced tea A Malibu and Coke for you, a G&T for me Alcohol, Your songs resolve like my life never will When someone else is picking up the bill I love you more than I did the week before I discovered alcohol O Alcohol, would you please forgive me? For while I cannot love myself I'll use something else I thought that Alcohol was just for those with nothing else to do I thought that drinking just to get drunk was a waste of precious booze But now I know that there's a time and there's a place where I can choose To walk the fine line between self-control and self-abuse I love you more than I did the week before I discovered alcohol Would you please ignore that you found me on the floor Trying on your camisole? O Alcohol, would you please forgive me? For while I cannot love myself I'll use something else Would you please forgive me? Would you please forgive me? eh I so don't see myself returning to bars cuz smoke and alcohol tend to fuck up my migraines and really random sex with strangers gets old quick and is hardly ever worth the effort. I could start dating but good night that would involve work and is hardly ever worth the effort. And would make my mother far too happy. LOL if I bothered to tell her that is... I think I am turning in my notice tomorrow to my apartments. Sort of makes my flesh crawl in a omg what the fuck am I doing type way. But hey it will force me to make a choice by Jan. There is a crazy idea floating around in my head which involve a move to Dallas. Or at least decide to get a new apartment here or move home or something... I don't want to be here. But I don't want to pack. I just suck. Then there are the books... eek! The way I quit at work I am ending up getting a week of vacation so hopefully I will have a lil bit of cash to get the piles sent off to people and send out more books. Then I need to get bins I think... and figure out uh something. ten to one I just go read a book.