In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.

quote belongs to Nora Ephron ::note to mr google searcher, ten to one the following will not met your search requirements, so just hit the back button now. Have a nice day:: I found myself thinking repeatedly the other day 'this is such a guy fantasy'. Over and over, in the same book (writing by a woman) *I* kept thinking it was more of a guy thing than a girl thing. Then today when I finished another story, I found myself thinking this is a 'female fantasy'. Then I wondered, is that fair? Can anything be labeled gender specific? And if we say yes, there will still be people who go against the grain, so what does it take to sell a female fantasy wrapped up in a man's voice or vice versa? Or do you think it can be done? enter at own risk aka karens come on in Guys like Porn. Could that be said for all men? No, I think there is that .0009% out there that wouldn't watch it *g*. And women tend to be less visual, which would go a long way to explain the erotica/erotic romance boom. Or it could be the fact that the men in porn movies (at least the straight ones) tend to be uglier than hell ::coughmalefantasycough::. So why would joeugly getting it on with cheerleadernobrain turn a woman on? But there are women who like porn, it could be said many women do. So it isn't a correct statement to say it is just a guy thing. Or is it? Could you ever see the plot about the woman who really enjoys kicking back watching porn and wanting to share that with her new boyfriend? Swallowing is often said to be a guy fantasy. This goes over my head and was something I didn't even think of until I read an old issue of At the Back Fence that talks about the Big Gulp. [I will look up links when AAR is back up if anyone wants] It dawned on me while reading that ATBF, romanceland was a hell of a lot more conservative then I would have thought and that I was viewing oral sex from a personal viewpoint. And I think we all do, to a point, our morals or lack of *g* shape how we see things. We all have a squick factor that really no matter how well something is written or explained, wouldn't work for us as readers. Is that bad? Can that be counted against a book? Oddly enough these things go through my mind when doing reviews. Since a review is really nothing more than a personal opinion, I tend to think yes that counts. So if my grade lowers to a D because golden showers gross me out, as long as I explain that, it is fair. Or not? But really how can you write golden showers well? [no not looking for rec's but thanks anyway.] I try to be very open minded regarding sex and the fact that what trips one person's trigger might not work for another. Huge playground to work with and I think it all comes down to character and writing. In fact it is a big reason why I like to read romantica/erotic romance, because sex through the eyes and actions of another is very interesting. The whys and why not a person comes up with to justify or condemn people or actions can make for great reading. Or just leads to frustrating thoughts about close minded people or characters. But back to my point, sort of. Something I saw as common, didn't stand out as a male or female fantasy, just less messy. So as a reader I find it jarring if a blow job crosses the finish line and the heroine rushes off to spit it somewhere. Seeing so many people have the opposite reaction got me to thinking, is it fair to label fantasy's as male or female. Or do I hang out with slutty people? Which leads me to the two things that so struck me as a guy things... 1. Sperm as body lotion. Personally I sooooooooo don't get this and it reeks a guy thing. A dog marking his territory to so speak. It is sticky! Why the hell do you want someone rubbing it on your belly? And the facial thing? Just not fun and romantic. It is a Bill Maher punch line not the road to love and laughter. 2. Girl on girl action. I admit when I think threesome I think of either the movie with Steven Baldwin (WHAT? haven't we figured out I have no taste in movies?) or two guys and a girl getting it on (aka the Baldwin movie :) ). I can see the appeal to women. The one time, never done before, oh what the hell why not type night - but I see lots of drinking and the age 18 involved as well. hmmm that is prolly a guy fantasy as well. I think that is why most of the romantica/erotic romance written with threesome focus on a M/M/F setup. Because it is aimed toward women. Where as reading a story where the heroine thought the really great, cute, perfect, funny co-worker guy was gay and he turns out to be straight and of course in love with her - reeks female fantasy. LOL because to be a male fantasy the lipstick lesbian would REALLY be gay, but so overcome by him she still falls in love with him. And only screws other women to please him. heeee I see bloggers talking about anal sex and it appears in just about every other erotic romance book. I don't see it as a big deal but I don't see anal sex as being a forbidden thing. And wonder now if it has lost some of the mystery to people because it has been written about so much. Does that qualify as a male fantasy? Or is it a female fantasy more women have than would admit to? LOL and how many women do you think have now done it and been oh so pissed off at the authors for making it seem to be such the thing to do. Which don't get me wrong, I can see the comments flooded with anon pro anal people now... I do so think it can be an erotic pleasurable thing. But I also think more men than not, don't know how to make that happen. Not counting the gay ones of course. And really, who is using erotic romance as sex manuals? Are you people really writing the authors and saying, gosh thanks for writing Forbidden Pleasure because I jumped my hubby when he got home and tried that thing on page 132 and OMG you are so right! As authors does that creep you out? Since it can be honestly said that men and women's brains are wired differently and different things turn us on is the gender specific fantasy label correct? What do you see as a male fantasy or female fantasy? Is there any one thing you think you couldn't be sold on as a female turn on? I can see #2 up there working in a story but have yet to be sold on #1 being anything other than a guy thing or something the writer saw in a porno. Then again I still can't see the appeal in being spanked so what do I know...