10 things NOT to do when trying to pick up a chick in a bookstore

As with everything, this is just my opinion but lucky for you, (you being whoever does the really nifty searches that bring you to my blog in the first place and saw chick and opened) there are many other women here who can weigh in with their opinion as well. I am sure this has been used in a book, it just screams female reader fantasy. But I read mostly historical and paranormal. I have read much more romantic erotica and contemp lately than ever but still only one comes to mind. <---- The Switch by Diane Whiteside Thinking about it, this is one of my fave books. So hmmmm anyone have any other recs with this type of theme? As I am one who spends way too much time in bookstore(s) this is just a reflection on what I have seen, heard and ignored. List of 10 behind the cut, do feel free to add your own and I shall update :) 1. Staring for over 10 mins is too long, 20 mins beyond long, 40 mins is 'get the manager' material. As they say shit or get off the pot. This would include walking back and forth behind her - over and over again. SPEAK or go away. 2. If you do make mistake number one and the person you are staring at doesn't look up and smile at you - make eye contact - start the conversation you are being too much of a pussy to do. Take that as a hint she isn't interested. 3. If you do make mistake number one and she doesn't look up and is wearing a WEDDING ring. The ring matters to her, so go away. Trust me... I am saving some woman yelling at you. 4. Don't start the conversation with a statement about her. A compliment - fine, a question - fine, a statement on the world at large - fine. But if you say 'Wow your hair is long', 'Wow you have really blue eyes', 'You must really like to read' (almost as bad as number 6)... even if she is interested, what is she suppose to say? Thank you? You haven't Compliment anything, so that sounds vain. So when she says 'Yes' or 'I know', you have no right to be offended. 4a. Don't start the conversation with a statement about you. And never EVER point to the cover and say 'I could do that for you' or 'There isn't anything in that book I couldn't do better'. Unless you have been flirting heavily with this chick... Just. Don't. Do. It. Honestly. Maybe someone will say it would work for them, but I have never seen anyone respond well to it. Although thinking about it I have only seen it done twice. I do give you points for balls, if you are good looking enough you might even be able to get away with it. But really you have just risked embarassing the shit out of the chick, which would happen prolly 89% of the time. Then add to that you just insulted what she is reading. And you are in a bookstore! Odds are really really good the chick is sober. 5. If you are smart enough to realize you have left this human with nothing to say other than, uh you too, and follow it with a question that might start conversation and land you with a date and/or getting laid - don't continue the same stupid theme. I know very few people who could pin point the color of their eyes. But maybe I am wrong, ask me I will tell you green, although I guess they are a greenish blue. Had them for 30 years... couldn't pick a color for you. So I am guessing that poor girl you were following didn't know what bluefamily hers fit in either. But you were breaking 1 and 2 as well, so she might have been focused on the manager thing. Personally - do not ask me how long my hair is. I have no fucking clue, honest, never measured it. Please someone tell me if this is odd to not know. 6. DON'T make the question 'Do you like to read?' especially when she is holding 7 books in her hand. Honestly... For me I TRY to be nice and look up, smile and say yes - then blow you off. But more often than not I will just look up and give you the 'you are the stupidest person on the planet, aren't you' look. And I can proudly say I have only been out and out hostle once - he deserved it I was in a bad mood and he spoke. 5. When you are blown off, (not that kind of blow or we wouldn't be talking right now) if you must try again, do not repeat the same stupid question. How does a man know he has been dismissed? The woman looks down and no longer acknowledges you unless you speak again and she is trying to be nice that day. She acts as if she didn't hear you. Or says she is sorry, she is in a hurry, and returns to what she is doing. Or my all time fave was watching a woman finally look up, cuz the man didn't leave and say I am sorry I don't work here. Then return to what she was doing. Again this could just be me but if I am interested, I will continue the conversation. 6. Do not have a loud conversation with your friend over how much money you both make. People are trying to look at books! If you can be heard in different sections and rows across the store, your ass is too loud. Personally I hear a man talking about money and I think two things: you have no dick (no the link isn't worksafe D) or like to lie. 7. Do not have a loud converstaion with your friend regarding how his wife does not meet his sexual needs so he has no choice to go elsewhere. ??? WHEN is this ever a good topic for a conversation in public? For all you know his wife's best friend could be around the corner. NOT a good way to keep anything secret, so chick now knows you are stupid. Agreeing with him does not make you look like good date material and you broke number 6 and have annoyed her so cheap sex with you has completely gone out the window. And she now knows you are a stupid man for believing that crap. Yes I know I didn't say anything about the cheating in general - which really I could careless about. I never expected anyone to keep my husband faithful except my husband. So women lose me when they start to talk about how there would be no cheating in the world if it weren't for women willing to do it. Seems sort of displaced blame. If your husband is cheating on you, I am more of the divorce his ass type. 8. Don't make fun of friend for reading fiction. Because 'That stuff isn't real', then turn around and hit on a chick looking at fiction books (who would have been long gone if she didn't really want 'The Pregnancy Test' and was going through some boxes.) 9. CHILDREN - A. Don't let them run around the store like they are fucking wild animals. B. Don't have said children at your side when you decide to hit on the chick. Any woman wanting to date or marry or has visions of wine and romance, will take one look at your irresponisble ass, and blow you off. And omg, if she wants kids I don't want to hear her lecture you. So please save us both the trouble. And if she would have fucked you, the fact that you broke so many rules above would prevent it. IF for no other reason than they were your friends kids, who were in ear shot as he spoke to you about his wife's lack of sex drive and willingness to get 'kinky'. 10. Do not stand in the erotica section, reading the books - close your eyes Alyssa - breaking the spines, and putting them back. Really. don't. COVER to COVER is a lil much for seeing if it is worth buying. The chick now knows your ass is not only stupid but cheap. People buy NEW books to get, NEW books, asswipe. I know I have more than 10, I started writing some things I saw or that happened a while back. But in true me fashion, I can't find where I wrote them. So tell me what you have seen or what has been said to you. OR better yet, tell me what has worked. Every been picked up in a bookstore? Did you find the love of your life there?